


round and round (and i never know why)

by londoneyedgirl



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Romance, Temporary Character Death, powers au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-16 03:05:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13045194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/londoneyedgirl/pseuds/londoneyedgirl
Summary: snippets of the cat and mouse story of tao, the time controller, and jongin, the teleporter.





	round and round (and i never know why)

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: The cat and mouse story of Tao, the time controler, and Jongin, the teleporter. Tao keeps chasing Jongin, and Jongin keeps running away, for some reason, even though they love each other.
> 
>  
> 
> ON GOD I FINISHED THE THING!!!!! okay listen,, this prompt was my own. yes, i accidentally got my own prompt. accidentally, you ask? well, i prompted it and then as i was choosing which prompt to write, this was the only one i felt like i could do something with ahsklffjklajs anyway!!! it's here!!! was it supposed to be longer? yes. for multiple reasons it wasn't but oh well. it was nice to participate in the fest and i'm glad it exists :')
> 
> title from heize's round and round!

He's back in Barcelona. He shouldn't be back here, not when it’s been such a short while since he's last been here, but it's a gamble of sorts. Maybe, if his location's obvious, it’ll feel _too obvious_. Maybe it’ll keep Zitao away.

It’s the middle of winter - that point in the season when it’s not that cold, but it hasn’t quite started to warm up yet to slip into spring. Jongin buries his hands into the pockets of his coat, and thinks idly of how he’s ought to shower and change his clothing as soon as possible.

The wind blows past him as he walks on these busy streets. He’d usually teleport to a hotel, but being so close to getting caught by Zitao didn’t give him much time to think. Jongin had only managed to visualize Barcelona’s main plaza before disappearing into thin air, and he’d been lucky no one saw him appear. He puts his hand on his chest, and feels his heartbeat still going far too fast for his own good. And worse, he can’t tell how much of his fast heart rate is due to worry over nearly getting caught, and how much is due to the thrill of nearly getting _caught_ by _Zitao_.

Jongin chooses not to dwell on the thought, because the answer’s just too obvious for his own good.

While he’s moving, following the flow of the rushing people and looking for a hotel where he can shower and get some rest, he walks past a Burberry store. And then he halts, and trails back. He can’t really stay in these clothes for much longer, and he doesn’t really want to. Before he knows it, he’s walking into the store, brushing his hand against his back-pocket just to make sure his wallet’s in there. He can feel plenty of eyes on him, and, for a second, he wonders if he looks as much of a mess as he feels. And then, a second later, he catches two women giving him a once-over, and he feels the relief washing over him. So, he’s okay, then.

Jongin knows there are cheaper stores around, somewhere, but he hasn't gotten over four hours of sleep in three nights, and hasn't changed clothing in two days, so all he wants is to have clean clothes to change into after showering and crashing at the first hotel he finds.

He buys a couple of shirts and pants, and also a new coat. His card is on his name, and he gives it with his ID, but he knows he didn’t quite have to - not when the attendant is blushing furiously just by looking at him. She doesn’t widen her eyes at how expensive his bill must be, but she does nod shakily at how he doesn’t even blink before handing her his card.

“Thanks for the preference!” She says, a shy smile on her lips, and Jongin nods, giving her a small one of his own. He thanks her in a bit of accented Spanish and pretends he doesn’t see her cover her mouth with her hands and her friends coming over instantly as soon as he turns to leave.

-

It’s been three weeks since Jongin's last seen Zitao. It's the most he's been without seeing the other man, ever since they ran into each other in this lifetime of Tao's. He doesn't know how, but Tao never seems to take too long to find him. He thinks it has something to do with Yixing or Jongdae, but he knows better than to point fingers without any sort of evidence. And, despite his suspicions, he still called Jongdae to let him know he's alive and well, so he's still giving Jongdae the benefit of doubt.

Jongin doesn't really have to work. He's lived on Earth for enough time that he, and the others, have managed to have money to last them… quite a few lifetimes, actually. And since they invest their money, Jongin hasn't had to worry about it in a long time.

He does, however, get a job, after buying some comfortable, casual new clothes. Despite liking to dress in dapper clothing, he couldn't really sleep in them, nor could he go out wearing Burberry from head to toe whenever he wanted to buy some cereal and chicken in the grocery store just around the corner.

The job at the dance studio comes as something to take his mind off of things. He befriends his coworkers like a normal person, who's not running away from someone, would do, but the fact that he spends more time with kids than with adults puts his mind at ease, and he often finds himself enjoying deeply the hours he spends in the studio. His coworkers point out how they only see him smile genuinely when he's teaching, and he pretends not to hear. Dancing had always been his favorite thing to do, back in EXOPlanet. He hasn't been able to do it in quite a while. 

The thing is that he knows better than to settle, always, because he’s constantly on the run. He walks to work and back to the apartment he rents and pays for weekly completely aware of his surroundings, looking over his shoulder all the time. And, deep down, he doesn't know if it's relief or disappointment that takes over him when he doesn't find Tao staring at him.

On this day, though, it feels different. It’s late at night, and the streets are filled with people. It’s a Friday, and Jongin watches as a group of girls giggle as they make their way out of a cafe. Nothing feels out of place, and yet, there’s this feeling inside Jongin’s chest that he can’t let go. It feels like a tug onto his heart that he knows all too well. He fixes the hat on his head that he uses backwards and then buries a hand into the pocket of his pants, the other keeping hold of the bag on his shoulder.

And then he sees him. Standing there, in plaid pants, a black turtleneck and a matching black jacket on top of it, and Jongin nearly has to stop and take a moment or two to recover.

Tao has always been so breathtakingly handsome.

He’s leaning against the very corner Jongin has to turn in a few meters. Out of instinct, Jongin looks in the opposite direction, sees the traffic light about to turn red, calculates whether he’d be able to make it if he ran just enough, if he started running right about now and didn’t look back. And then he looks ahead, and back to Zitao, whose eyes watch his every move carefully, but whose shifting eyes betray that he’s as anxious as Jongin feels. Jongin watches him: his bent knees, the way he’s managing his breath so he’ll be able to keep a good pace when he needs to run, the lip he’s worrying between his teeth.

And Jongin, out of a sudden, just feels so _drained_. And he doesn’t feel like giving Zitao a reason to run, this time. He’s been managing to escape from Zitao for about eight times now, in just this lifetime of Tao’s, and he’s been close to Tao before, closer to being caught than he is right now. He knows a touch of Tao’s would make his determination to stay away completely fade. And he could teleport, but when he just keeps walking on his way home, eyes locked with Tao’s as he continues on his path, he knows he won’t teleport, and he knows it’s not because of all the people around them who’d see him simply disappear into thin air.

He knows that maybe, in his subconscious, he’s just tired of running.

So when he gets closer to that corner, and Tao pushes himself away from the wall so he can stand right in front of Jongin, he lets his feet drag him into Tao’s arms. And he lets Tao hesitantly wrap his arms around him, and press his cheek to Jongin’s shoulder, and he lets himself hold Tao back. And he feels the best he’s felt in over fifty years.

He doesn’t blame Tao when he fists Jongin’s shirt and keeps a tight hold of him, not when he’s burying his face into Tao’s collarbone, clinging to the other man with something that seems to much like desperation, himself. “You’re not running.” Tao’s voice comes out muffled, and it sounds so weak, and it cuts Jongin like a knife.

“I’m not.” And Jongin takes a deep breath, drowns himself in Tao’s distinct scent and allows, for a moment, to enjoying the feeling of being home. “I’m not.”

-

_“What are you doing?” Are the first words that escape Tao's lips once he finds Jongin by the small lake, a few miles away from town. Jongin, sunbathing on the grass with his eyes closed, remained quiet. The only indication of his awaken state was the hand he slowly moved inside the lake. Tao pouted. “Jongin.”_

_“No 'hey Jongin, how are you?’? No 'good morning, Jongin, did you sleep well’?” Jongin's lips are curling into a smile, teasing, and Tao breathes out a silent laugh. He sits down next to Jongin then, right before giving him a light punch on the side. “Hey!”_

_“Nope, no greetings at all. I had to walk here. Couldn't you go to somewhere closer? Not everyone can teleport, you know.”_

_Jongin chuckles. “Not my fault. Besides, I like it here.” And then he spreads his arms open, enough that Tao can lie down next to him and rest his head on Jongin's arm._

_“What's so special about here, anyway?”_

_“Wait. You hear that?” There's a moment of silence that follows right after, and all Tao can hear is the wind blowing, and singing birds, and leaves moving when the wind hits them. Tao shakes his head slightly and Jongin turns his head to press a kiss to the crown of Tao’s head. “Exactly.”_

_With a mischievous grin, Tao teases, “Well then, if you want silence, I guess I’ll be on my way.”_

_Tao barely gets the chance to pretend to leave before Jongin's wrapping his arms around him, keeping him from leaving. “Don't. You know what I mean.” Jongin presses his face against the back of Tao's neck and Tao can feel Jongin's smile, so familiar, against the sensitive skin. And there's nowhere else he'd rather be._

-

The last night was a blur, and Jongin has no idea of what to do from now on, even if he’s put himself into this same position so many times before already. He's sipping onto his cup of tea when Tao walks through the kitchen threshold, trying to brush the sleep off his eyes with the back of his hand. It's still such a familiar sight, even though it's one that Jongin hasn't seen in a long time.

“Good morning.” Jongin watches Tao walk until he can lean sideways against the counter. “Coffee?”

Tao nods, eyes squeezed nearly closed in a way that would make Jongin think that they were actually shut if he couldn't see Tao’s eyes following him. Jongin turns, heating up the coffee he had just made specifically for Tao. Jongin, himself, has always thought coffee tastes like poison, but Tao says that it gives him energy like nothing else.

They wait in a silence that doesn't really need to be interrupted. Once the coffee is hot enough, Jongin pours some into a mug. Then, he proceeds to adding a bit of milk and two spoons of sugar, just the way Tao likes it.

Tao makes grabby hands when Jongin brings it to him, but remembers to take a small, careful sip of it, blowing some air on it in an attempt to cool it faster. The scene causes Jongin to smile, watching Tao with gentle eyes. He hides his smile with his own mug of tea, and leans back against the sink behind him.

It takes a few minutes for Tao to fully wake up. He runs his hands through his hair, trying to solve the mess that sleep caused. “Morning.” He says, once he realizes he never actually answered Jongin, with an unsure smile on his lips.

Jongin chuckles silently at that, shoulders moving up and down with it. Tao tilts his head, then, and watches it with a fond look in his eyes. “I missed seeing that.”

At that, Jongin instantly sobers up and looks away, finishing the rest of his already lukewarm tea in one go and turning around to wash it. He misses the way Tao's face falls at his reaction.

He doesn't miss Tao coming closer to him, though. From the corner of his eye, he can see Tao step near him, and once he's done with washing his mug, he turns to find a confused Tao.

“I miss you.” He says, like it's the deepest truth of the universe. Jongin could argue, but he feels it the same. “I miss you, and you kept running from me. But you're not running now. Why?”

Jongin opens his mouth, but nothing really comes out. To be honest, he hasn't decided what he's going to do, yet. The fact that being so emotionally vulnerable last night put him in this position, even though he knew it would, stresses him, because he doesn't want to do this again. He's done it so many times, and it never mattered, in the end, and if he leaves now, they might still have a chance. There's absolutely nothing giving him certainty of that, but for Tao, he'd try.

“The others won't even tell me why I don't even get to see you.” Tao continues. “So can you please, _please_ , tell me? I don't know what happened, but I can make it right. Whatever it is.”

Jongin looks away from Tao, then, looks at the door and thinks about leaving. He thinks about teleporting right this moment, and he thinks about Tao, and it works like a double-edged sword. It does, because how much he loves Tao makes him want to stay, but is also the reason why he needs, _has_ to leave.

“I have work today. I should get going.” He hears himself say, spill the lie, and he gulps. Before he can even take one step away from Tao, however, slender, beautiful fingers wrap around his wrists, not as gentle as they are demanding.

“You don't have work today.” Tao says, accusingly, and Jongin fails to hide his surprise. Tao looks down, clearly a bit ashamed at the implication of his stalking, as though he hasn’t been doing it easily this whole time, but Jongin supposes that, considering their game of cat and mouse has been going on for a while now, Tao would, eventually, be ahead of him enough to corner him. He always does, at some point. Jongin looks back at the door, and then bites onto his lower lip.

“Still, I have to go out, I had an appointment…” and he doesn't know what else to say, he doesn't have an excuse, he's usually better at this, but today his brain doesn't seem to function like it normally does. He pulls his forearm out of Tao’s grasp, and he turns away, because if he takes another look at Tao’s face, he might break.

He doesn't realize how fragile he is, though. So when he hears Tao speak next, his feet stop before he can even compute the movement.

“Why do you keep running away?!” There's so much pain in Tao’s voice, there’s so much anguish. And it's Jongin's fault, it’s all Jongin's fault that Tao’s suffering, but there's no other way.

Jongin has difficulty breathing, but the reply is slipping past his lips before he can think twice. “Because-” and he swallows in dry, takes a breath or two, because it's so hard to speak when it's the reason of your everlasting unhappiness that's falling out of your mouth. “Because every time we get too close, you die. Because every time, every single one, you end up dead, and I have to live without you and knowing that it was my fault. And I-” He chokes on his own breath, feeling his hands shaking and the tears threatening to spill. “I can’t watch you die. Not a single time more.”

Jongin's hands are curled into fists, tight, nails pressing hard into his palms. His eyes are squeezed shut, like if he does it hard enough, everything, all of this, won’t be real anymore.

The silence that follows is so uncomfortably _empty_. Jongin doesn’t want to open his eyes, doesn’t want to turn around, doesn’t want to face a Tao whose pure heart just got broken in a way it will only mend again once he’s reborn. He doesn’t want to have to explain all that’s happened to him, doesn’t want to see those beautiful eyes get swarmed by tears, doesn’t want to see Tao in pain. It’s the sight that hurts him the most.

Jongin doesn’t have to open his eyes, however. He can feel his whole body shaking, trembling from head to toe, but doesn’t feel Tao approaching him until Tao’s chest is glued to his back, and Tao’s arms are wrapping around Jongin’s waist, and Tao’s face is buried into Jongin’s nape. And for all that Jongin can feel the tears rolling down his cheeks, for all that letting out how hurt he is pains him, Jongin trembles and runs no more.

-

The warm air of Tao’s breath hits Jongin’s skin faintly. A thought presents itself in his mind, unrelated. “What do you think of going traveling with me?” Jongin says it, a bit out of the blue, somewhat amazed that he hadn’t asked yet. He’s been traveling for centuries now, has been since he was born. It’s part of him, he’ll never get tired of it; but he hasn’t traveled for leisure in so long now, always running. Beyond that, he hasn’t traveled with Tao in a long while, also. Traveling with Tao always made at least half of the fun there was in teleporting and meeting places.

Tao pulls away just enough so he can see Jongin’s face, but Jongin misses the previous closeness all the same. “I like the idea.” He tilts his head, nodding slowly, his lips sticking out in a thoughtful pout.

“Where do you wanna go?” Jongin takes advantage of Tao’s current position, putting his mug down on the floor before wrapping an arm around Tao, pulling him closer. Tao goes willingly, seeming deep in thought. “I’ll take you anywhere.”

A few moments of silence pass and Jongin takes the time watching the city, same as Tao had been before he came to join him. “Can we start by all the places I’ve been chasing you?” Jongin turns his head to look at Tao, fast enough that it could easily give him whiplash. The confusion must be more than blatant on his face, because Tao instantly adds, “I’d like to make good memories there. It’d be nice.” He shrugs, but his cheeks are reddening and ruining all the nonchalance he tried to show.

-

Tao learns very quickly that Jongin doesn't like to talk much about Tao and his deaths.

_“How do I even manage to get myself killed, though? I control time. I can move forward and backwards and freeze it if I please. So, how?” Tao knows that he’s talking a lot, and maybe it’s too much to be asking of Jongin, especially when he’s seen how his death hurts Jongin, but he can’t seem to stop. He had questions, before, and he sought Jongin through multiple countries to get them - and Jongin -, and he’s found some answers, yes, but he also ended up finding a lot more questions here in Barcelona, too._

_Jongin, who’d been stretching like he usually does before going out for a run, stops what he's doing completely and turns to Tao, looking annoyed and barely suppressing it. “I don’t know, Tao,_ how _do you? Your guess is as good as mine.”_

Tao dying is a sensitive topic for Jongin, if that isn't already clear. He apologized once he came back from his run, and didn’t let Tao brush away how rude he had been, because it really wasn’t an excuse. And although Tao disagreed with Jongin, considering that he didn’t expect Jongin to be perfect and never thought he was, anyway, he had decided to be careful when asking Jongin about the topic on future occasions.

It’s a rainy day in Paris, and they have no idea which date it is, or which day of the week. The only number they’re aware of is how many days they’ve been together - sixteen, and both count only in their heads, not voicing their reasons behind it. Jongin doesn’t mention that he counts even though he has no clue when Tao might be taken away from him; Tao doesn’t mention that he’s scared of nearly the same thing, except that he’s scared of dying without getting to know Jongin, without solving this issue, and not of dying itself.

It’s a rainy day, and through most of the day, they spend in silence. It’s a quiet day, and it’s comfortable. After the past week, where they spent nearly every second of each day together, it’s nice not to be in each other’s company all the time. Even if it seems that Jongin's withdrawing more than he is giving Tao space. He doesn’t blame Jongin for how clingy he’d been, especially when he was just as much, maybe more; but it hurts him, every time he realizes how insecure Jongin must be, how frightened of the things he can’t control that he couldn’t bear to have Tao out of his sight for long. Which is also why Tao is glad that they’re having time to themselves separately - because it makes them more at ease. Jongin breathes a little better, now.

However, by the end of the afternoon, Tao misses Jongin. Also, Tao has some questions.

When Tao approaches Jongin, he’s sitting on the couch, now, reading a thick manga book that Tao doesn’t manage to catch the title. He can’t help but take a few seconds to, selfishly, watch Jongin so engrossed in the book. Jongin’s eyes move fast but attentive, and his teeth pull at his bottom lip in what Tao can’t tell if it’s because the story has him intrigued or if it’s an unconscious action for no reason at all. Tao has never denied how much he misses Jongin like Jongin apparently has, but it hits him even harder, of how much he hasn’t seen, how much time he hasn’t spent with Jongin. Something inside him wants to resent the other man, but Tao knows that bit of him will never win. Because beyond the fact that every other part of him understands Jongin, even without knowing all the facts, all Jongin has to do is pout like he’s pouting at the book and Tao will melt harder than ice at a hundred degrees.

It’s only when Tao settles beside Jongin, the cushion dipping and familiar warmth hitting Jongin and making the hairs of his arm stick up with the shiver that runs down his spine, that Jongin notices Tao’s presence. His body instantly stiffs, more out of habit than anything else, and then he relaxes, turning his head to look at Tao with a small smile. Tao takes it as an invitation to come closer, and does so.

“Can we talk?” Tao asks, tentative, as one would treat a wounded animal, and Jongin diverts his eyes, sensing what’s to come. The subject of the talk he’s getting into is his least favorite, but he nods anyway, putting his hand on top of the page he’s on in the manga without actually closing it. He’s come to terms with the fact that he owes this, owes answers to Tao.

A current of air blows around them, and time passes slowly in contrast with it. Tao tries to measure his words, thinks over and over how to place them, how to ask, what tone to use, what to say at all. There are so many questions. He knows they have all the time in the world. He knows Jongin will wait for him.

He settles for one he’s been thinking about since the start. “You said that I’ve lived many lives, and every time we stay together,” he begins, watching as Jongin tilts his head - a sign of attention. “I die. But I don’t know or remember any of this. Why?”

A few moments pass, and Tao watches Jongin’s fingers fiddle with the ears of his book.

“I don't know why you don't remember, Tao.” Jongin’s tone is on the harsher side when he starts, jaw clenched, as though he’s controlling emotions too strong for him to handle.. And then there’s a beat, and he seems to deflate, shoulders hunching over slightly while he lightly shakes his head. He looks at Tao, now, full into the other man’s eyes, and his voice is significatively softer. “I don’t. All I know is that if we stay together, you die; but if I run away, you go after me.”

Tao’s the one who has to look away now. He knows that from now on, he’ll get all the answers Jongin can give. He knows Jongin’s problems with talking, actually _sharing_ things with Tao was never something to do with Jongin trusting Tao; it had more to do with trusting himself, to being ready to share. He can only imagine how many times Jongin has done this. He _can’t_ imagine how it must hurt. “Has there ever been a time when I didn't die?”

“No.” And it sounds like it pains Jongin to say it. “You nearly did, once, when you gave up on looking for me for decades. You lived quite long, actually. Never married.” Jongin tilts his head with a bit of a bitter smile, and half shrugs in fake nonchalance that Tao sees right through. “Had a cat, though.”

“What happened, then?”

“You decided you wouldn't take ‘no’ for an answer anymore.” Tao meets Jongin’s eyes, then. For what Tao’s sure won't be the last time, he can't quite read Jongin's face. He feels like there's so much he should know but doesn't. It feels like something in Jongin is begging him to remember it all, and not make him say it again, like he apparently has done many times before.

But then Jongin reaches for Tao’s hand, and intertwines their fingers. In his eyes, Tao reads _‘I’m right here’_. And maybe it hurts Jongin to share painful memories, and maybe it’ll hurt Tao like nothing ever has before, but Jongin’s intertwining their fingers together. Jongin’s _there_. The fact that Jongin’s right there with him hits Tao and he nearly feels drunken with the late 

realization.

They’re not alone anymore.

Tao knows many things have changed. Although he’s probably the one who knows less out of the group, he’s observant, and not as slow as people would make him to be. The Jongin he’s come to meet is different from the one he knew in EXOPlanet - not completely, but the hurt is there, and going through what he has been through changes people. Tao doesn’t hold it against him.

Jongin looks away, back to the manga he was reading, but he's aware of Tao’s every movement. He can’t not be. Tao’s touching him, and he wants Tao with him. He won’t fight it anymore. 

He's held him, and was held. He's slept in the same bed as Tao. He's kissed Tao. So why does his mind keep trying to keep him away from him? Why won't he enjoy freely what good he can have before it all comes crashing down again?

The truth is, he never knew what did it - whether it was just spending time together, or when they touched in the way they, as lovers, always ended up touching. They've never stayed together long without touching. There's something about them, something that binds them together. Jongin supposes it's love, that has lasted this long and will last forever. He had always heard that the people from EXOPlanet love for life, but it wasn't until Tao that he truly understood it.

Jongin closes his book, and doesn’t mark the page. He puts his book away, turning towards Tao, and then he just sits there for a while, looking at Tao - just looking. This could go so many ways. He knows it’s too late to back away from Tao. In his mind, it’s the last dilemma he’ll go through about all of this. He wants to pull at that hand that fits like no other in his. If he does, he’ll feel the happiness he only feels when they’re together. If he doesn’t pull, he knows he’ll give in at a later moment.

There are so many thoughts, so many things running through his mind, so many possibilities and so much of his desires and wishes and dreams. They’re all so loud.

Tao’s hand is trembling in his hand, but his grip is tight onto Jongin’s.

It’s no surprise that, in the end, Jongin pulls.

-

“I wished,” Jongin begins, and his voice is as quiet as ever. “I wished so many times for it to be me instead, for me to die in your place.” He takes Tao’s hand in his now, cups them right where they are, turns his head to presse a long, gentle kiss on one of Tao’s clothed palms. “It's selfish of me, but to lose you, over and over again, is the sickest kind of torture. To die, myself, would be more merciful. To see you go, time and time again, it was as though my heart was being ripped right out of my chest. Many times, I felt like I was dying with you. For months, I felt dead. I don’t want to feel like that anymore. I don’t think I could take it.”

-

“You’re so obvious about your winter bias.” Tao sticks his clothed palm out to catch a few snowflakes, eyes sparkling. He’s seen snow a few times already, but it’s one of his favorite things about winter. “We only go to cold places.”

Jongin raises his eyebrows, chuckling in both playful disbelief and teasing. “No, we don’t. We were in Buenos Aires two weeks ago!” Tao tilts his head pointedly, a small grin as teasing as Jongin’s on his face. “Okay, fine, but I’m only easing you into it for when we get back! Seoul is pretty cold, isn’t that what you said?”

“Yeah, that’s what Jongdae told me. Still, I’m sure I wouldn’t die-” As soon as he says it, Jongin winces and Tao does the same in sympathy and regret. “-I mean, it wouldn’t hurt me to go there from a not-so-hot-but-also-not-cold place.”

Wrapping an arm around Tao’s waist, Jongin pulls him closer and presses a kiss to his cheek. “We can go anywhere, anytime, you know.” Tao holds Jongin, burying his face into Jongin’s neck. “You wanna go somewhere else? Maybe Brazil? I think Australia isn’t too cold this time of the year, either.”

“Nah. I like the snow.” When Tao blinks, his lashes brush Jongin’s skin and a shiver runs down his spine. “We can go to Brazil and Australia tomorrow.” His grin is felt against Jongin’s neck and it takes all the strength in the world for Jongin to pull away and just hold Tao’s hand.

-

_When Jongdae comes out of the bathroom, with a towel wrapped around his head and another around his hips, looking annoyed and followed closely by a smug-looking Baekhyun, no one bats an eye. It happens so often that when Jongdae’s opening his mouth to whine, Junmyeon beats him to it. “Baekhyun, please let Jongdae shower in peace.”_

_“But showering with him is so much fun.” Baekhyun mildly argues, although he's already sitting down on the couch next to Jongin, who's looking close to dozing off. He pouts at Jongdae. “Don't you love it when we harmonize during our duets?”_

_“Yes, but not when we're showering.” Jongdae rolls his eyes, a small smile threatening to show on the corner of his lips. He turns to go back to the bathroom. “Thanks, Junmyeon.”_

_Baekhyun cuddles up with Jongin, who only snuggles closer until his face is buried into Baekhyun's neck. “That's no problem. You'll let me shower with you, right Jonginnie?”_

_Jongin only hums, sleepily. Lately, he's been assigned a lot of long-distance missions and the further he teleports, the more tired he feels. Truth be told, all of them have been working hard lately, and they suspect a change might happen soon. It gives them an uneasy feeling. All they have are each other to distract themselves from the worry, so they stick together._

_Baekhyun runs a hand through Jongin's hair, feeling himself getting sleepier by the second. He mutters something that none will be able to tell what it was, but Jongin agrees, anyway._

_When the others arrive from their own daily assignment, they find Jongdae, Baekhyun, Jongin and Junmyeon all cuddled up on the bed, although when they're asked later, none remember how they ended up like that._

-

Hanging out on Earth is the same as it was back in EXOPlanet. Tao already knew that, but it's a clear reminder of how strong their bond is, that they have lived centuries together, not even counting their time in their home planet, and they're still all together. When Junmyeon and Sehun leaves to go open their bakery, it's the same as when they used to go out on assignments together, early, before it was even light outside; when Jongdae and Minseok go out on a run, it's the same as when they used to go for a run and a swim by the lake; when Jongin disappears for hours and then shows up, sweaty and smiling brightly, and Tao knows he’d been dancing, and it’s nearly just as it was; and there's so much more that Tao sees and recognizes. The familiarity hits him so strong, and he feels glad that not much has changed, even if he’s missed a few centuries of it.

“Jongin, please stay away from the kitchen, I’m begging you.” Jongdae begs Jongin, sounding seriously distraught, and then turns his head to look at the others’ laughing faces, looking betrayed. “You traitors, are you really gonna let him blow up the kitchen?”

“But I won’t blow it up! I just wanna cook something nice for my favorite people!” Jongin pouted at the same time as he tried to hold back the laugh inside him, face turning red as he did so. “I swear I learned how to cook!”

“Well, I don’t trust you.” As Jongin tried to reach for the pan on the kitchen counter, Jongdae slapped his hand away. It was just like those comedy shows Chanyeol likes to watch, except it got more entertaining the more Jongin annoyed Jongdae.

“It’s not like I’m gonna poison you!”

“Maybe not on purpose! Remember that time you tried to bake us a pie-”

“That was like, one time! And I made it up to all of you!”

Ah, yes. Just like back in EXOPlanet.

 

-

“There was an imbalance in nature. It's like, if Junmyeon absorbed all of the water in a river and let it dry to death.” Luhan attempts to explain what he found out, and he twists his mouth, like he doesn't know how to be clearer with what he's trying to say. “It's like, if Baekhyun took all the light in the world and let darkness reign. It's wrong, it's unnatural, it’s-

“It's like if I manipulated time to keep someone from dying. Like I turned back time to save someone, and ended up bringing them back to life.” Tao raises his head, and Jongin's heart hurts with how lifeless his eyes are. Like the light was stolen from them. Tao, who’s always so lively and with a natural, pure brightness to his being, looks just… wrong.

The realization is on Luhan’s face before it does to anyone else’s. “Oh, Tao.” He looks so painfully sympathetic, Tao instantly looks away, focuses on Jongin and how their hands are laced together instead. He’ll take Jongin's confusion over Luhan’s pity any day.

“I don't get it.” Jongdae’s fingers tap rhythmically to a familiar tune, and Tao doesn’t know if it’s the tapping or Jongin’s thumb caressing his hand that’s soothing him.

Gratefulness washes over Tao when Minseok, who sounds more understanding than pitiful, steps up. “I do.” And then he looks straight at Tao, feline eyes inquiring but not overstepping. “That day, back home- back in EXOPlanet. When we were doing the annual strengthening of the balance, and, out of a sudden, you were breaking into cold sweat and telling Jongin to step away from the cliff. The cliff that broke seconds after Jongin stepped away from it.”

Tao didn’t have it in him to interrupt. He didn’t feel like talking, anyway, so he just nods, and looks down at his feet, burying himself even more in his seat.

“You looked positively shaken by that. Your hands trembled in a way they rarely do, and I remember how scared you looked.” And then Minseok tilts his head in that calm, comforting thoughtful way of his. “You were on the verge of tears. You watched Jongin die, didn’t you?”

Tao can feel the shiver running through Jongin’s body, and the urge to hold Jongin hits him so hard. But the shame of what he’s done - he doesn’t want to move. He’s scared Jongin won’t want to touch him at all, if he realizes their hands are still together.

“Yes.” His voice breaks, but he looks up to face each and every one of them, because if he closes his eyes, he can still see it; if he closes his eyes, he can still see the desperation in all of them, he can still hear the screams and the sobbing. And he’s the only one who remembers it.

-

Letting Tao out of his sight isn’t an option. He knows, deep down, that it doesn’t matter or not if he’s with Tao through every moment of the twenty-four hours that make a day, because whatever is supposed to happen, will happen; but Jongin won’t let that get a resignation out of him.

However, after a couple of the days, he realizes that he’s suffocating Tao. Although they like to spend time together, both of them also enjoy having a quiet time for themselves, and Jongin’s fear and clinginess wasn’t allowing that. So Jongin forces himself to go back to normal, tries to act the same as he would if he wasn’t so acutely aware that Tao’s time is ending soon. After the first day that Jongin does it, Tao kisses his cheek and whispers a quiet _“thank you”_ , warm lips brushing softly against Jongin’s skin.

Still, Jongin can’t deny that he’s a bit on the edge. Most of the time he manages to distract himself, busies himself hanging out with Jongdae, teleporting to random places around the planet, or just stays with Tao as much as both need to be close every day, but the constant worry is still present and persistent in the back of his mind - so much so that one day, he wakes up in the middle of the night and as soon as he notices that Tao isn’t in bed with him, his heart starts beating way too fast for his liking. The side where Tao sleeps on is still a bit warm, so Jongin doesn’t worry that much, but he still feels the need to get up and look for him.

His bare feet touch the cold floor and a shiver runs down his spine, and he pulls on a sweater before going on his search for Tao. He checks the kitchen, the living room, and even the library, but Jongin doesn’t find him. Jongin tells himself that he will only allow himself to absolutely freak out when there’s absolutely no other place to look for Tao, and then nearly runs as quietly as possible to the door that leads to the back garden, a place Tao seemed to like.

Jongin’s last guess proves to be the right one. Sitting on the grass with his back to a tree and his legs spread open in front of him, Tao is leaning his head back against the tree and his face looks so peaceful as Jongin approaches that he thinks that Tao might have fallen asleep there. That assumption is quickly proved wrong when Tao turns his head to face Jongin, his eyes opening and looking at Jongin with unmasked fondness, but a glint of mischief in his gaze. “Okay now, are you following me?”

Shaking his head, Jongin drops down onto the grass next to Tao, close enough that he can turn and lie down, his head resting on one of Tao’s thighs. “No, not at all.”

“Jongin, I’m not gonna die while just unpretentiously hanging out by the garden.”

“Well, with your luck, a meteor might make it through the atmosphere without being detected by the NASA and fall on your head.” Jongin mutters under his breath, a pout instantly making an appearance without him even noticing. 

Tao places his hand on Jongin’s head before running his fingers through Jongin’s soft, messy hair, and then giggles a bit. “I’m not _that_ unlucky. Remember that time you had been craving apples for like, a week, and the one apple you found, a perfect one, fell into the river while we were trying to catch it? _That’s_ bad luck.” They both let out a quiet, breathy laugh; and then, Tao’s smile turns small, bitter. Jongin can hear it in his voice. “What I’ve got is karma, Jongin. Not bad luck.”

Jongin’s stomach flips, and not in a good way. He can feel tears threatening to fall down at how broken Tao sounds, at how hopeless he seems to be. There’s nothing else that Jongin wishes he could do but take away all that pain from Tao, even if he had to absorb it all for himself. He just wants Tao to be happy, wants to see that carefree smile he so loved and so often saw in EXOPlanet.

And there’s nothing Jongin can do about it. In that moment, he feels so powerless and pointless, and all he can do it hold Tao’s free hand and grip it tight, tight against his chest.

-

When it happens, it’s so fast and so sudden and so much like it has happened so many times before. There’s no time to go prevent it; there’s no time to stop it, there’s no time to disappear into nothingness.

All Jongin has time is to hold Tao’s bleeding hand and try not to lose his mind.

“Will you wait for me?” Tao asks, can barely speak but does it anyway, holds Jongin’s hands through the slippery feel of blood.

“I have no choice.” Jongin frowns, barely repressed anger in his voice, and tries to keeps himself from turning his head so he won't have to see Tao die one more time.

“Hey.” Tao takes his hand, gives it a tight squeeze and doesn't let Jongin look away. Not like Jongin would manage to, anyway. “I love you. Wait for me.”

“Of course I will, you idiot. I always do.”

Jongin barely gets enough time to say “I love you, too.”

-

It’s not a rainy day, but it’s chilly, and the wind blows past Jongin hard every once in a while, messing his hair and trying to take away his scarf. Yet, the sun is up in the sky, not at full force, but gentle enough to kiss Jongin’s skin like it loves to do it. His eyes are closed, just soaking it in, and it feels like a nice day to feel whole again.

“Jongin.” He hears the voice from behind him, carried by the wind, familiar and warm and hoping. He turns to where that voice came, and nothing will ever match the feeling of having your dreams come true like that. “Hey.”

A warm smile, not overly wide, but genuine, maybe even timid, appears on Jongin’s face. He bounces on the balls of his feet back, and then forth. Stops. “Hey, yourself.”


End file.
